What’s missing?
My client and I had completed a few coaching sessions together.
We were checking in and he was making great progress on his goals.
I asked him ‘what was missing?’
(wondering if perhaps the answer was - nothing! Maybe he was ready to step back from coaching for a little while)
First he said - ‘remembering’.
Remembering to consistently connect to the actions and behaviours that serve him best.
We talked this through a little, discussing change and change processes, what increases the risk of forgetting, some cues that might help him.
It felt like he got some insights.
But I noticed underneath his willingness to move forward and grow that there was a flatness to him, a sense of weariness…
So I asked again, ‘what else is missing?’
He wasn’t sure, but he had a sense that there was a piece in his puzzle he hadn’t quite pinpointed.
Something was missing.
From the outside he was doing really well.
I commended him on the actions he’d been taking to create the change he wanted.
I could really see the progress between when we began and where he was now.
I was proud of him!
I was again thinking, perhaps we are done?
Perhaps he now needs a little time to embed the good work, build trust with himself?
And then my instinct took me to ask;
‘When did you last celebrate the progress you have been making?’
‘Oh…’ he said, looking uncomfortable… ‘oh, I don’t know… maybe quite a few months ago?... err… maybe a bit more?’
And I’m thinking… perhaps we just found that puzzle piece we were looking for?!
So we paused and he told me all about his progress. As he did that I could see his energy change a little.
I asked; how did it feel to recognise and celebrate just now?
He smiled shyly and replied, good.
I asked: would you be up for recognising progress more regularly?
‘Err… how about once a month?’
We talked about the potential impact of doing it even more regularly than that.
We pooled some ideas about how and I shared a tool of reflecting each day on three good things from that day.
He’s going to try some experiments and report back to me on how that has gone.
An overlooked tool...
Recognising progress is a really important and often overlooked tool to have in our tool box as busy entrepreneurs. We don’t have external bosses who will sit us down and do regular performance reviews. We are our own boss. We can be very good at focusing on our targets, the next thing, and the next, and the next… never pausing to reflect on all those steps we already took. But if we do choose to be a good boss to ourselves and be intentional about reviewing not just the targets for the next period of time, but the targets we met… that can be very motivational!
Evolutionary problems
There are some strong evolutionary reasons why our brains have ended up wired in a way that makes us focus on ‘what needs to be done’, rather than celebrate ‘what has been done’. In a simplified form what needs to be done = ‘a risk’. Our ancestors that were good at anticipating risks were the ones who didn’t get eaten by wild beasts and went on to pass this skill down through their genes. Today we are not quite so likely to be eaten by wild beasts, but our brains haven’t caught up with this situation and can be a little over keen to seek out and avoid ‘risks’. So we have to be intentional to be more balanced in our thinking, not just looking for the ‘what needs to be done’ but also pausing to acknowledge all that has already been done!
Being a good boss to yourself
And why did my instinct take me to the question I asked about celebrating progress? Well now… as a busy entrepreneur with high standards and some core values of progress and impact. I might have some personal experience and have done some of my own work on that piece in the puzzle of forgetting to recognise progress and not being as good a boss to myself as I can be! So I was curious if this might be what I was seeing that was leading to that slight flatness or drop in excitement I saw in my client.
So my question to you is the same: When was the last time you celebrated progress?
How would it feel to pause and acknowledge some of the steps you have been taking just now? If you try it, do you notice a difference? A difference in how you are feeling? A difference in your capacity to create positive change?
📆📞💻 If you’d like to talk to me about how I can support you with getting a more balanced and motivational perspective on things, why not book a free consultation call with me?