On being different
What does this image say to you? What do you notice about it?
I took this photo whilst out walking in the forest last week. It just looked kinda pretty, all snowy and wintry sun and sparkles. But it has meshed with a load of stuff rattling around in my head right now and the picture now speaks of something else for me.
If you look at it a little longer, you might notice amongst all those tall Scots Pines, making a pleasing and predictable rhythmic vertical pattern… there is one little different tree? None of those Scots Pines really stand out or break from doing the typical Scots Pine sort of thing. But do you see the atypical tree? There in the middle? A little Beech tree, busy doing its own thing, busy being different from those around it.
Visual metaphors
That little Beech tree is only different in this context of a fairly repetitive Scots Pine forest, but it has become a visual metaphor for me about being different. It crystalises some thinking I’ve been doing. It speaks of a difference that is always there in me, but that I’ve been feeling in a heightened way recently.
I’ve been thinking about myself and all the other metaphorical Beech trees - those of us who can identify in one way or another with that feeling of being a bit different. Something I can strongly identify with, noticing that you stand out from the many you see around you.
I’ve been thinking about how I love working with those who identify as a little different and where I see them showing up. I find them in my work with entrepreneurs and with creative thinkers. I see them in the leaders I admire. The pirates and the vanguards - those who are not afraid to stand out and be different, those who are innovative and thoughtful. Those who are bold and brave and find new and positive ways of doing things. Those who hold their ground and show up with their different leaves and don’t fit in with the crowd.
Wanting to be with others who are different
Right now (as my awareness of my own difference has been heightened) I am very conscious of wanting to be with other Beech trees - so I don’t feel so different. I’m starting conversations and reaching out to them. I think if you have experienced feeling different you build resilience around standing a little apart from those around you. But it doesn’t mean that you don’t want to spend some time with the other little Beech trees - it can be exhausting feeling different and holding your ground!
I’ve been thinking a lot more than I normally do about my own diversity. Having gone through a quite challenging professional exam (and passed!) a couple of weeks ago. It was the culmination of over a year working towards this accreditation (the first level of three and an internationally recognised mark of my growing expertise in my field as a coach). But I somehow can’t quite get excited or proud about this, not insignificant, achievement.
Why? Because I sat the exam as a neurodiverse candidate. Sadly, instead of feeling supported and accepted throughout the process, I felt I had to fight my way through many challenges feeling like the lone Beech tree, not conforming, not fitting in, feeling my additional needs were exceptional, inconvenient and very poorly understood or accommodated for. The lip service for accommodation I experienced turned what was already a heightened and stressful situation into an almost comedic physical endurance test. A space where clear thinking and equal opportunity to shine were not present.
I’m dyslexic.10% of the population are dyslexic, but despite this, and a slow increase in awareness of neurodiversity, we can still, all too often, find ourselves in situations where our differences do not make us feel comfortable. Where we are required to compete on what is not a level playing field. Where it feels the odds are stacked against our success. Where we are working twice as hard to meet a set of standards that measure us in a way that is stacked in the favor of a neurotypical candidate.
Outdated forms of assessment of knowledge, skills and understanding are certainly one of those situations where my differences are intensified! I feel anxiety, history is stirred up, old stories of frustration (so, so much frustration) and failure. I start ranting at anyone who will listen about all my issues with antiquated models of measuring an individual's intelligence and aptitude. I start feeling I have to justify myself, my intelligence, the space I take up and my needs. I tell anyone who will listen about the qualifications and achievements I do have, asserting how I have achieved both undergraduate and post-graduate qualifications (yes plural) and have had a successful career in a number of sectors including a leadership career in education… and despite all that bluster… I feel scared and notice quite how many straight and tall Scots Pines are looming about out there not feeling the need to rant and justify themselves.
Frustration to action
I try to channel my frustration into positive thinking and action. I reconnect with ALL that is important to me. I think about how much of my mission is about finding those other Beech trees. Not just those who identify with the challenges that neurodiverse people encounter, but all those who can connect on an emotional and experiential level with feeling different. Those others who want to channel their frustration into creating positive change. Those who give a ****! And can still find the energy to want to make a difference.
I think about showing up for them and sharing that I get it, that painful feeling of difference, the frustration and all the extra and unfair effort they and others have to put in to get their place on the forest floor. Knowing that I’ve got some pretty powerful tools in my bag to support and empower those other different trees to grow and navigate the rather predictable monocultures they might find themselves in.
We still so, so need more metaphorical Beech trees amongst the monocultures I continue to see so often around me!
And for those who aren’t up on their tree facts and haven’t had enough of my metaphors - that little pirate of a Beech tree in my picture, will outlive those pretty but predictable Scots Pines by a few hundred years and grow up to be made of wood many, many times stronger than them…
If any of this thinking on being different resonates with you and you want to talk more about creating positive change, giving a ****!, being a Beech tree, the challenges you have experienced and the support you need please reach out and comment or book in a chat with me. There is more to your story…